1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,040
HE SNORES

2
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,080
SEAGULLS CRY LOUDLY

3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,880
PANNING

4
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,760
Er, excuse me, do you sell buckets?

5
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,240
Buckets? No.

6
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,039
Really?

7
00:01:11,039 --> 00:01:12,880
No prompting for them. Old fashioned.

8
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,920
So how do people carry water and stuff?

9
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,880
Well, everything is in place for now.

10
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,720
You know, it goes in pipes where it needs to be

11
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,240
so there is no need for anyone to carry anything by hand.

12
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,000
What color bucket?

13
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,400
Well, it doesn't really matter. Any color.

14
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,240
No, sorry, I can't help you.

15
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,680
A garden hose, that's the closest we get. Garden department.

16
00:01:35,479 --> 00:01:36,800
OK.

17
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,680
Excuse me?

18
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,000
Is it true that you don't sell buckets anymore?

19
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,880
Sorry?

20
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,880
Your colleague just told me that you no longer sell buckets.

21
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,560
because they are old fashioned.

22
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,520
You mean the things people used to carry water in?

23
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:53,680
Yes.

24
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,000
Oh...

25
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,840
We haven't filled buckets in a while, mate.

26
00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:01,640
To tell you one thing, you might want to try Vintage and Antiques Emporium.

27
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,920
TANNOY: Save a lot on solvents this summer at Tool Box.

28
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,400
White alcohol, methamphetamine and turpentine...

29
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,360
Did you watch Celebrity Barrel Scrapers last night?

30
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,760
I saw what?

31
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,560
Celebrity barrel scrapers.

32
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,000
It's like... You know the Barrel Scrapers series?

33
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,160
Well, it's like that, but the celebrity version.

34
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,200
I don't have a TV. Are you serious?

35
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,560
Is there a show called Celebrity Barrel Scrapers?

36
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,720
Yes. Didn't recognize any of the celebrities in it, though.

37
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,240
Except for the bald guy from, uh, what's-it-called…

38
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,560
That's funny, then.

39
00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,280
What do they do, the celebrities?

40
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,520
Just, you know, scrape out the barrels, get 'em clean.

41
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,440
Gets really messy. It's great.

42
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,200
Wait a minute, you don't have a TV?

43
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,840
No.

44
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,280
Stick.

45
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,160
Everyone is going to the pub next Friday after work.

46
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,040
It's someone's birthday. Are you coming?

47
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:56,320
Who's birthday is it?

48
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,720
The guy who cuts the MDF board.

49
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,600
Others. Mm-hm.

50
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,480
Maybe. I'll see.

51
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,080
A big, tall guy, about 180 cm. A large, white be...

52
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:06,800
Him! Him there, with the white beard!

53
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,320
Him! OK, thanks. I'm going to, uh...

54
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:09,920
Here we come.

55
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,760
Did you tell that customer we don't sell buckets?

56
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:15,960
No.

57
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,520
He said you told him we don't sell buckets.

58
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,360
that there is no demand for them.

59
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:23,160
Oh, BUCKETS? Oh! Was that what he was looking for?

60
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:26,160
JESPER: I didn't understand what he said.

61
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,960
When do you go to bed?

62
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,440
It's none of your business, Gordon.

63
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:33,040
It is my business if my employees fall asleep on their feet

64
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,200
and they cannot hear the customers properly.

65
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,360
You don't lose your hearing when you're tired. Oh...

66
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,400
THE PHONE IS RINGING

67
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,720
Hello Hilary? Is everything alright?

68
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,840
OK, I'll be right back. No...

69
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,040
No, it's going well. I'm not busy.

70
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:49,800
No, honestly, it's not a problem.

71
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,600
Yes.

72
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,240
OK, I'm on my way.

73
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,160
I have to go. Dad has lost something.

74
00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,600
Lost something?

75
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,600
Have you been on break?

76
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,520
Oh, hello, dear. Sorry.

77
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,240
No, it's fine. What has happened?

78
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,000
I would have waited until you came later.

79
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,040
but he was upset and threatened to call the police. Really?

80
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,800
Tina found this on his bed when he was having breakfast

81
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,360
and brought it to me.

82
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,640
He noticed it was missing and kicked off.

83
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,920
My God!

84
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,440
Right, uh…

85
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,840
Well, I'll... I'll see if I can get to the bottom of it.

86
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,880
Thank you Hilary. Sorry.

87
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,320
KNOCK ON THE DOOR

88
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,560
Hello, Dad. Oh, so nice to have you here.

89
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,960
There's a thief here and I've had enough!

90
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,480
It's scandalous. I am writing a letter.

91
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,760
All right, dad, calm down. No one has stolen it.

92
00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,400
I have it here. They didn't know what it was.

93
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:25,080
It says quite clearly on the box what it is - poison.

94
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,440
Well, exactly. They were worried.

95
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:28,920
I am not a child.

96
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,159
Why do you have a box of poison? What's going on?

97
00:05:32,159 --> 00:05:34,120
Give it here.

98
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,280
Right.

99
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,159
One, two, three, four, five, six.

100
00:05:38,159 --> 00:05:40,360
Oh, they're all there. Thank God for that.

101
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,800
I was unable to reproduce these. Once they're gone, they're gone.

102
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,840
Seriously, Dad, why do you have six vials of poison?

103
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:48,960
This is the antidote that dissolves the homunculi,

104
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,240
for emergency use only.

105
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,840
It was given to me, I don't know what's in it,

106
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:55,560
and I couldn't do it again.

107
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,640
Did you find the diaries?

108
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,400
Mike? Huh?

109
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,840
Did you find the instructions?

110
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,440
Yes. Excellent. Have you got it set up?

111
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,680
No, Dad. I haven't had time.

112
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:08,360
Well, the sooner you start messing around, the sooner you'll be able to

113
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,600
to get results, and the faster you will be able to ask about Clea.

114
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,320
You have to sing to the bottles.

115
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,160
Everything is in the instructions.

116
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,680
Wh-wh...what's wrong?

117
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,240
This was in the journal.

118
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,200
There they are!

119
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,120
My God. I had forgotten I took this.

120
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,760
Dad, I'm so confused.

121
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,920
I thought this was just a bedtime story.

122
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,080
I didn't think it could actually be real.

123
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,360
Trust me. Do you want to know where Clea is?

124
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:44,760
When she comes home?

125
00:06:46,159 --> 00:06:47,840
They can answer any question,

126
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,760
and they are forced to answer truthfully.

127
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,680
OK. Just remind me what they really are.

128
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,760
Homunculi. Prophesying spirits.

129
00:06:56,760 --> 00:07:00,800
Right. I looked up "homunculus" in the dictionary, and there it said,

130
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,640
"A very small, human-like creature."

131
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,240
It is, yes. "That's it"?!

132
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,400
So, what, a human? An animal?

133
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,720
Is this legal?

134
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,160
Well, it's not ILLEGAL.

135
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,600
It doesn't exactly give me peace, Dad!

136
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,120
Trust me.

137
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,120
Yes, yes. Right.

138
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:24,000
Before I forget, can you post some letters for me?

139
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,280
More competitions?

140
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,040
Yes. This is a foot spa.

141
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,240
this is a dog grooming course,

142
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,040
and this is a Lamborghini.

143
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,440
Fingers crossed.

144
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,640
Oh, and this one, uh, you need a stamp.

145
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,480
You have to go to the post office.

146
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:40,159
It's going to Vancouver, to my old school friend Vic.

147
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:42,880
Oh yes. How is Vic at the moment?

148
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:46,240
Much of the same. Not much to say about him himself, but, uh…

149
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:49,080
...he always asks for you. After me? Does he do it?

150
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,720
Yes, yes, very interested in what you do.

151
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,040
Did I ever meet him?

152
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:56,000
Um... Maybe once, when you were little.

153
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,280
Right. Well, next time…

154
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,120
...tell him I said hello.

155
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,040
Hello, Olive. Hello, Michael.

156
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,360
What do you have there? Jars?

157
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,480
Yep, jars. Big, right?

158
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,440
Yep, big jars. What are you sprinkling today?

159
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,040
Ant powder. Oh yes?

160
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,360
Little bastards come in and eat all the cake.

161
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,520
Shaker.

162
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,960
Gotta get them early or they'll start flying the heck out of it.

163
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:25,280
Do you know that? They get wings and start flying the heck out of it.

164
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,880
everywhere on the 4th of July, Independence Day.

165
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,120
Then I put down the gunpowder.

166
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,800
Yes, it teaches them. Hmm!

167
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,680
See you later, Olive. Thanks.

168
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,760
All right, Dad. I'm doing this, right?

169
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,240
Can you put them in a bag for me? Thanks.

170
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,040
VOICE MESSAGE: Please leave a message.

171
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,680
Hello, uh, this is, uh, Michael. Michael Sleep.

172
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,880
I'm just leaving a message.

173
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,120
Unfortunately I won't be able to come in today.

174
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,360
I have a bit of a runny butt.

175
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,440
Good morning, Michael. Good morning.

176
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,080
Er, morning.

177
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,800
Are you just getting rid of some things?

178
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,760
Eh, just moving it.

179
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,320
Oh, out front here?

180
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,720
That's right. It is only temporary.

181
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:16,520
SOUNDING

182
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,280
I was going to say,

183
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,240
Sorry you didn't get a chance to take your hedge back.

184
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,840
Don't be sad. It's actually lucky.

185
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,200
I saw a couple of chaffinches

186
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,760
nestling in the ivy,

187
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:34,000
so I'm glad we didn't disturb them.

188
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,360
Chaffinch? Chaffinch!

189
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,960
CLAPS

190
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:43,800
It reminds me of your front security light,

191
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,040
It flashes on and off, off and on, all night long.

192
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,160
Is it?

193
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,240
There must be a branch or a twig or something hanging over it.

194
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:54,200
You probably won't notice if your bedroom is in the back.

195
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,080
I'll take a look. Yes, it's off and on, off and on.

196
00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,200
All night - off and on, off and on. It's like every couple of minutes.

197
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,720
It is light pollution.

198
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,360
It disturbs the little chaffinches.

199
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,880
Light pollution ... OK.

200
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,160
Just on the way to the hardware store. Do you need anything?

201
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,320
No. Thanks.

202
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,280
Are you sure? I'll get a... No. I get a staff discount.

203
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,000
No thanks. Right.

204
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,480
All right, discs?!

205
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,040
I thought you were having a great time!

206
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,320
Hush!

207
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:27,800
Don't let him know I'm here!

208
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,720
Do you know I have to do twice as much work because of you?

209
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,040
Well, you tend to screw everything, so twice screw everything is still screw everything.

210
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,560
Mm.

211
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,280
Why are you here?

212
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,080
You have to get me some things.

213
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,120
Jesus.

214
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,880
All right, let me finish smoking my cigarette.

215
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,480
And, uh, remember to get the staff discount. OK.

216
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,320
Are you building a bomb?

217
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,720
No!

218
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,160
Crystal methamphetamine?

219
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:50,600
HE FLEES What?

220
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,400
Well, what is all this for?

221
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:55,200
I clean my aquarium. What fish do you have?

222
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,960
Sardines. You are lying.

223
00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:00,040
It's for a project. I'll tell you about it another time.

224
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,320
Did he see you? Gordon? No.

225
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,800
Kacey, I just wanted to say you still have my credit card.

226
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,360
Just nice!

227
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:57,280


228
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:03,400


229
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:09,560


230
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:13,080


231
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:16,680


232
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,880
HE TURNED OFF THE MUSIC

233
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,440
BRIAN: Before the jars are sealed,

234
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,720
in each a mineral seed item must be placed

235
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,640
from which the homunculus will grow.

236
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,360
The seeds must be chosen carefully

237
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,600
and be specific to the creature's station.

238
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,280
For the knight, a brass key.

239
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,600
For the monk, the tip of the pen.

240
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:56,280
For the farmer, a simple, undecorated button.

241
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,320
For Seraph, a crystal of amethyst.

242
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,920
To the queen, a gold ring.

243
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:09,280
And to the king, a silver coin, as old as you can find.

244
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:18,079
Why does he have to act like this?

245
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:21,680
It's like every little thing he does is designed to turn me on.

246
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,839
I mean, what the hell is his problem?

247
00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:27,200
Trembling?

248
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,560
Huh?

249
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,280
I say, "What's his problem?"

250
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,440
WHO?

251
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,640
Gandalf the damned Grey! Who do you think?!

252
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,480
It sounds like you are the one with the problem.

253
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,000
Why can't you just ignore him?

254
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,600
How can I manage that, with all the commotion going on?

255
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:41,840
SILENCE

256
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:42,880
HE SIGHS

257
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,200
Why can't he just be normal?

258
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,640
What do you do for a living?

259
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,880
I put a mirror down there. Oh, and that's normal, right?

260
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,320
Can you believe he had the nerve?

261
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,480
to complain about our security light?

262
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,360
Light pollution he has accused me of.

263
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,760
I mean, his place is crawling with vermin.

264
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,840
The amount of insects in his garden is disgusting.

265
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,240
Spiders, wasps...

266
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:09,880
...bees.

267
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,720
And the snorting sparrows that chirp all day long in the bushes.

268
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,760
Oh, it's driving me crazy.

269
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:24,160
May joys be united with holy solemnities,

270
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,360
and they speak from their hearts...

271
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,560
Great. He prays.

272
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:34,200
That's all we need - a religious fanatic.

273
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,720
Shake!

274
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:36,960
What?!

275
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,240
What are you listening to?

276
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,160
A podcast. About what?

277
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,800
Sex trafficking.

278
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,040
And from the bottom of my heart

279
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,720
The announcements sound.

280
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,720
traveling ... traveling?

281
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,800
Let the old things go… the old things…

282
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,000
May joys be united with holy solemnities!

283
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,080
MILD: And from the heralds...

284
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:03,520
...sound...

285
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,440
DULLY: Of holy solemnities.

286
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,880
hearts linked together...

287
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:13,240
...and from the announcements...

288
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,800
THE PHONE IS RINGING

289
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,240
Hello?

290
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,880
Are you going to the pub? Who is this?

291
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,240
Kacey! Are you going to the pub?

292
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,240
What time is it? I don't know.

293
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,880
Listen, we're at Open As Usual. You said you would come.

294
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,200
Why do you want me to come to the pub so often?

295
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,520
I'm not asking you out on a date! I'm just saying we're at the pub.

296
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,680
God, I'm just being friendly.

297
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,720
Alright, I'm sorry.

298
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,080
Which pub? Open as usual.

299
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,440
Right? Yes.

300
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:04,840
are you ok

301
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,160
You made it.

302
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,640
You must be made up.

303
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,720
Yes, I can start crying.

304
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,360
BRIGHAM GIGGLES

305
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:21,240
Oh-ho! Oh, here he is, Weird Beard!

306
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,080
Hey, somebody give this man a drink!

307
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,760
HE IS READING

308
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:28,600
Michael? Michael! Are you a train spotter? No.

309
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,200
Giggling

310
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,600
Are you a virgin?

311
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,240
What are you talking about?

312
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,360
How old are you, 50?

313
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,160
50 year old virgin! LAUGHTER

314
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,560
Oh, shut up, Brigham. How old are you, five?

315
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,000
BRIGHAM GIGGLES

316
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,320
I love this freak!

317
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,880
My friend worked at a restaurant when you worked there.

318
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,240
Some burger place.

319
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,520
Oh yes, burgers burgers burgers in the shopping street.

320
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,880
Yes. Said he undressed in front of all the customers!

321
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,440
Just a vest and trousers for me.

322
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,400
"Just a vest and trousers for me!"

323
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:57,760
What for?

324
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,280
I was going to resign and they wanted the uniform back.

325
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,520
My buddy said, right, he pulls a banoffee pie off the counter,

326
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,480
comes out in front, squeezes off, flips the bird to the boss,

327
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,040
and then goes out in his boxer shorts. LAUGHTER

328
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,120
Is that true? Almost. It was a sticky toffee pudding.

329
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:14,360
And I had to come back because my clothes and keys

330
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,120
was in the staff room.

331
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:19,080
Oh, no, no, I'll just have the one. I have the car.

332
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,520
Put it here, take the bus! Where do you live?

333
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,440
Marvin Gardens, just off Wilmslow Road.

334
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,000
Oh, my God, yes, I know.

335
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,520
Look, it's a 20 minute walk from here. You are fine.

336
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:28,920
Do you know Danielle?

337
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,680
She lived on the corner of Marvin Gardens. I was friends with her.

338
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,560
at school. I haven't spoken to her in years.

339
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,440
She went to catering college.

340
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,640
My God, there used to be this house on Marvin Gardens, didn't it?

341
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,000
it was just, like, full of junk

342
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,400
and the garden was like a pure jungle.

343
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,640
And, I mean, this guy lived there, but nobody saw him.

344
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,560
Well, Danielle saw him a couple of times, but whatever…

345
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,960
...he murdered his wife.

346
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,160
Yes, everyone knew it. I mean, the police dug up his garden.

347
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,040
and everything, but they never found anything.

348
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,280
They reckon he dissolved her in battery acid

349
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,960
and flushed her down the toilet, so he got away with it.

350
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,760
How long have you lived there?

351
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,360
Oh, my God, it's your house!

352
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,480
Did you kill your wife?

353
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,680
She laughs awkwardly

354
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,640
I was never married.

355
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,040
But no, I never killed anyone.

356
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,480
let alone flush someone down the toilet.

357
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:37,960
Come to think of it, everything Danielle said was bullshit.

358
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,880
Michael? Michael! BRIGHAM GIGGLES

359
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,720
Do you like Star Trek?

360
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,760
READING MANICIALLY

361
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,520
So...were you really an underwater welder?

362
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,880
What is it? Were you really an underwater welder?

363
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,080
Oh no, I made that up.

364
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,640
You know, I knew it, you fool!

365
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,480
I went down a two-hour rabbit hole of underwater welding

366
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:19,080
last night! I mean, I watched videos on YouTube!

367
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,680
I know all about it.

368
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:24,280
So how does it work then? That fire under water?

369
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,080
I'm not telling you.

370
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:37,160
The comrade's story, it wasn't just nonsense.

371
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,640
The police dug up my garden.

372
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,800
Actually did me a favor. Had to clean up afterwards.

373
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,200
and left it in a better condition than it was before!

374
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,760
Well, what were they looking for then?

375
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,760
My girlfriend.

376
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:54,120
She left one day and she never came back.

377
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,680
Everyone thought I had killed her for a while.

378
00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,840
I didn't kill her.

379
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,160
I love her.

380
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,880
Michael! Do you collect stamps? Giggling

381
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:09,280
Why do you think I'm so weird, Brigham? I don't understand it.

382
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:10,720
Just don't worry about him.

383
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:15,240
No, I don't understand. Is it just because I have a beard?

384
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:19,240
Or because I don't go on the paintball trips?

385
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,760
Because it's not terribly strange, is it?

386
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,440
Jason is wearing gold boots

387
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,160
with wings on, but here you all are

388
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,640
tearing into me!

389
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,320
Oh, careful, be careful, or he'll squeeze off.

390
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,240
but only to his waistcoat and trousers!

391
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,760
You know nothing about me.

392
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,320
If you knew what I actually grow in my shed...

393
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,680
Giggling: Wow, wow, wow!

394
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:41,880
Stop there, thank you very much.

395
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,640
What do you actually grow in your shed?

396
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:45,560
What you don't know... Yes?

397
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,120
...is that I'm actually becoming more homunk...

398
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:50,320
...homunculi. BRIGHAM CLAY

399
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,080
Excuse me? Homunculi!

400
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,360
They are prophetic spirits

401
00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:59,280
that can predict the future,

402
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:03,160
and I grow them in pots in my shed.

403
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,960
So when I win billions in the lottery,

404
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,160
Then you're not going to laugh, are you?

405
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:10,640
What on earth are you doing?!

406
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,120
SHOUT: Homunculi!

407
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:13,480
Right!

408
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:14,880
Let's get you home, shall we?

409
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:15,960
BRIGHAM GIGGLES

410
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,040
Are you doing well?

411
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:24,440
I'm fine.

412
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,040
So...

413
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,080
...what do you grow in pots in your shed?

414
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,440
Homunculi.

415
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:38,360
And what is a homunculi? No.

416
00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:41,000
No. "Homunculi" is plural.

417
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,160
"Homunculus" is singular.

418
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:46,240
And they are creatures. They are like little people.

419
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,360
They are like little people in jars.

420
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,120
Like sea monkeys?

421
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:52,800
They are a bit like sea monkeys

422
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,120
but they can predict the fuchsia…

423
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,120
Fuchsia!

424
00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:58,720
I had sea monkeys once.

425
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,520
They were really disappointing.

426
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,440
As if the advertisement said they were so eager to please,

427
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,880
but mine, they clearly couldn't care less.

428
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,960
They are not sea monkeys, they are homunculi.

429
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:10,680
Can I come and see them?

430
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,440
No. No one can see them at the moment.

431
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:17,800
because they are invisible to the naked eye. So no.

432
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,120
OK.

433
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:23,000
You don't have to follow me home. I'm fine.

434
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,520
Hey, I'm not following you home. I live here.

435
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,280
Fin.

436
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:28,720
SARCASTIC: Right!

437
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,320
This is me.

438
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,080
Right, yeah, cool. I just…

439
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,080
SHE GENTLELY SIGHED

440
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,640
HE HEARD A GENTLE SIG

441
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,480
HE SNIFFS

442
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:41,560
HE BREATHES HARD

443
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:52,680
THE CREATURE GROWS GENTLELY

444
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:04,800


445
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,400


446
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:15,080


447
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,160


448
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,920


449
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:25,800